Sunflower in August

Sunflowers in August, originally uploaded by MWOOD19.

6 Months Post Surgery and Counting

I've made it 6 months now and my life is becoming less about the knee and more about everything else. I'm going to "transitional" PT still which means it's me on my own at the same facility as normal PT two to three days a week. The routine:

• Elliptical
• Stretching
• Exercises working on balancing and putting stress on the bad leg
• Beginning agility - jogging, skipping, jump rope, running in rings of rope ladder
• Weights - still about 10% away from body weight (blah!)

On off days I'm trying to go walk/jog at my regular gym a couple days a week on the treadmill.

I think about my knee a lot but not nearly as much as a few months ago. It still feels different but not nearly as bad. And, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel although who knows how I'll be when not doing rote exercises. All is good in general, though. Will post again as progress is made in a month or so.

Elliptical Bliss

I made it through a warm-up on the elliptical machine yesterday. Some of you other ACL rehabbers may be thinking "so what?" But, I have always had elliptical issues much preferring jogging on treadmills or outside. It felt so good to be moving my whole body not just sitting on an exercise bike. And, obviously I've let go of some of the inhibitions of my awkwardness on the machine since this whole past six months has been physically awkward to be kind.

Speaking of six months, Thursday marks six months post accident and four months post surgery. Things are going well and I often forget about the knee. Pain and just feeling the knee ebb and flow as I walk. But, I feel that I'm turning a corner. I'll be celebrating the "anniversary" at a conference in Chicago...hopefully lots of city walking without pain will be the reward.

New Torture

Today I got to try a new torture machine. It's called the Extensionater and is a replacement for the torture chair. My impression was that it was less painful - good. Maybe not quite as straight - not so good. It felt like having a blood pressure band around your leg, because it essentially blows up a balloon that holds your leg down. Variety is good - I think I will switch off between the torture chair and the extensionater as I go along.

3 Months, 2 Weeks, 2 Days: MILESTONE!

Okay, if you haven't been around me in the last six months or suffered a severe knee injury you may not understand how excited I am. BUT, I'll tell you anyway. Last night I tried walking down the stairs in my house like a normal person. Not one step at a time, but one leg in front of the other. I did it! I do have to hold onto the wall for balance, and definitely need to work on control, but it worked, and it worked again this morning.


I've added a picture of the day before the injury, Christmas day last year. It's funny to think back to my mindset then. I can't even imagine attempting to go down a snow-covered ungroomed staircase like that. Hopefully I will be up to such an attempt next winter.

I've hated stairs for many reasons during this journey. More recently, the thing about them is that they're a constant reminder of my injury. When I'm around people I don't know, I feel I need to explain myself and my injury so they know why I'm so slow. Hopefully now I'm one step closer to a less visible impairment!

San Francisco

Twin Peaks, originally uploaded by MWOOD19.

I just got back from a business trip and weekend in San Francisco. It was a great trip...no major incidents. I got a lot of practice walking. I could definitely feel my knee and especially my hamstring and calf muscles since I was moving aroudn so much. The thing I kept thinking about was how lucky I've been that I lived in a city where you don't have to walk to get everywhere. Not in general, but when it comes to someone requiring knee surgery, the ability to drive park close, etc., is critical!

When I'm Back Playing Soccer

BlackBeltBlues shared an excellent article regarding ACL injuries and warm-up routines for girls playing soccer. It's an important reminder for women young and old and something I will definitely incorporate into my routine if I get a chance to get back on the field.

A Question of Perspective?

I wanted to focus on the positive this weekend. It became easier for a variety of reasons...

1) Jeff's house sale became final on Friday which means we only own one house and not two. It had been on the market for over a year since six months before our wedding.
2) We saw friends we hadn't seen since before the surgery. Since they haven't seen the day-to-day recovery process, my knee wasn't on their mind. It was great to have conversations that rarely strayed into that territory. Making the weekend a real break from the weekdays and the focus that PT seems to create.
3) The weather was beautiful and we got to attend a lake party - how can you beat that?

I had a conversation over the weekend that really made me think. One of our friends was discussing his ACL surgery which happened eight years ago. I haven't seen him since I was hurt since they live out of town. But his conversation was similar to many of the soccer girls I know.

They talked about their knee in generalities and even when you asked for specifics, there weren't many. I guess I think that maybe once you get farther out, like many things, you block it out! I think that's a good thing. I'll still have this as a record of my feelings, but if I had to think about this year as negatively as I've felt from time to time, it would be rough!

This is one of the things that drove me nuts when I was preparing for surgery. I knew all these people who had surgery, but couldn't get a lot of specifics about anything. It's part of what prompted me to start this journal. But, I think (given that all of my friends returned to competitive sports) that perhaps it's part of the coping mechanism. I can't wait to join their club with vague memories of a crummy year but a new perspective of normal along with it.

Surgery + 3 Months: Meltdown

I had my 3-month post-surgery check-up yesterday and I guess I also threw my 3-month post-surgery pity-party as well. I knew it was not going to go well when I was almost in tears before the PA got into the room. I've been so frustrated with the pain I've experienced recently when walking or just standing up and the fact that my knee won't straighten. I know I'm behind schedule at this point.

The first thing the very nice PA said to me as she looked at my knee was "wow - it's really not straightening, is it?" And then the waterworks began. It is at this point that I should mention that I was in the middle of the PT room b/c at my doctor's office you get your visit on the PT tables and not in a private room. So, my apologies to anyone who witnessed my spectacle.

I had then turned into a mute and as she prodded about what's going on, Good Cop PT rescued the moment with encouraging words such as, "she really has been working very hard." At this point, Bad Cop PT was on the scene as well and we all agreed that I'm back to the torture chair. It was at this point that the PA asked why I'm in the transition program (read: self-administered and just asking PT for help on torture) and not full-on physical therapy. More tears as I blubbered the words "insurance" and she translated accurately that my insurance has run out for PT visits.

Anyway, the results of the appointment were I humiliated myself but felt too little self worth to quit crying or feel very embarrassed, I have to increase torture, I can't get an activity brace because I'm not cleared for anything remotely resembling activity (that includes walking for exercise), and I am seeing the doctor in three and a half weeks.

As all of this unfolded I still had to finish my PT session. More apologies now for all of those who were quietly accepting their torture or workout for the day as I (also quietly) sobbed for another hour. Additional apologies to staff who do this for a living and had to deal with my sorry self.

Here are the things I was thinking but was too bummed out to say out loud as I continued my self-pity throughout the day:

1. I really need to exercise to feel better and this is exactly what I can't do, it's an endless circle that's taking its toll!

2. I really need to quit feeling sorry for myself. There are people worse off than me - hungry, sick, having money troubles, or just with a worse injury or still coming out of surgery. One of them was my very good ACL friend who had her surgery two weeks ago. It was so not right that she had to come console me - I should be helping her!

3. I know I'm being selfish, but if I hear one more friend talk about how they're sore from working out, I think I might punch them! I never thought I'd be green with envy about someone jogging!

4. My friend suggested I start wearing tennis shoes to work so I don't slip again. Do you know how pissed off that would make me every day? I already wear flats to work that make my short legs look stumpier. I am dying to put on a pair of heels and the thought of a exclusively tennis shoe existence might kill me.

5. My insurance is very messed up! What kind of policy incentivizes you to have as many PT sessions as possible in a 60 day period and then completely hangs you out to dry! Okay - most still reading might say an HMO and they'd be right, but I still need to vent! I think if I had a hang nail I could have been approved for 60 days and there are absolutely no exceptions if you are post 60 days. I can't imagine the kind of claims I'd have down the road if I left my leg in its current stiff, peg-leg existence.

6. I'm really scared that it's not going to get better and that I need to come to terms with a partial recovery existence.

7. I really love my husband, family, and friends who were trying to make me feel better. Unfortunately, yesterday, the only thing I could reward kindness, sympathy, and empathy with was more tears so I'm sure that's not the signal I sent.

Today feels pretty good emotionally if only because it would be impossible to repeat yesterday. I'm too exhausted! I'll be back at PT in the morning and am hoping/praying that I can cross the threshold to a leg that fully extends. I cannot think about the alternative right now!

Here's to my next post being a positive one...

2 Steps Back

It's been a little while since I've written. I have been so busy trying to get back to normal but my knee does not want to come along for the ride!

Since I wrote, I've unpacked from the Bahamas and been on a business trip to Boston. I had such a good time seeing the city! I even walked for about 2 and a half hours after the sessions were over which made me feel like a real able-bodied person. Beacon Hill was rough - I was at a snails pace, but I did it!

Unfortunately, though, I had a big fall in a restaurant on my last night. We were walking back to our table. The floor was slippery and my shoes didn't hold me. As I skidded on my bad leg, my knee gave out and I landed in a heap with my legs under my butt.

This could have been the most embarrassing moment of my year, but I was in too much pain to care what the table of 12 on one side of me or the full bar on the other side thought. It took me two or three minutes to compose myself on the floor and make sure that my leg was willing to let me stand up. My knee swoll up and it took me about 25 minutes to calm myself down from the pain and fear that I'd hurt something that couldn't easily be fixed. I did finish dinner and returned to the hotel room for a giant pack of ice. Thanks so much to my friends who consoled me and ran down the street in heels to a pharmacy to get some ibuprofen!

My physical therapist says that he doesn't think that I permanently hurt anything and I feel the same way. I have a doctor's appointment in a week to verify this. I'm still in more pain than last week - it still feels swollen and angry. I might say the same for myself. I need to get back to my physical lifestyle or check out weight watchers, but perhaps this can be discussed at another time!

ACL in Paradise

I have spent the past 10 days sailing in the Bahamas Abaco Islands. My knee held up on and off the boat onto docks and dinghies. It is still stiff but I think the vacation did me some good!

Must Read for Soccer Girls

I just read this very interesting NYTimes article about ACL and injuries in general and female athletes. I was so fortunate during my competitive playing years that I never suffered a major injury and missed very few games in spite of averaging probably 40-70 games a year for my competitive years from about age 12 to 18.

Today, I'm recovering from the major surgery as a woman over 30. I've played well over 1,000 soccer games in my life I'm sure. And how did I tear my knee to shreds? Skiing. Harrumph! It would have been more worth it in a soccer game!!! I will be so mad if that day skiing takes me from the sport I love!

The article is right...there are tradeoffs if you decide to return to something like soccer. You could face surgery again, further damage, or just not be the same. Do I want to just return to being active while leaving soccer out of the equation? No way! I can't imagine losing the ability to compete or the social outlet with other people who love to play and try to win. I love the feeling of a perfectly kicked ball coming off your foot. If I get that feeling once a year that's worth a hundred hours of play. But, then again, what if I can't be a shadow of who I was before my injury years before I expected to ratchet things back in my 40s or 50s or after kids? Will that be okay? Will it be the same?

So many questions that only time will bring answers for...

There's another dynamic in the article. The "is it worth it for girls to compete and make these sacrifices of health and wellness" tone. To me and to many women I have played with (my indoor team this winter had five of twelve women who had gone through ACL surgeries as adults) it is worth it. But for someone on the outside looking in, I could see how it seems crazy as youth or adults.

Surgery + 8 Weeks: Good Cop - Bad Cop

I refer to my two primary physical therapists as "Good Cop" and "Bad Cop". This has nothing to do with their abilities (both outstanding) or personalities (both cool), but there is a distinct difference between their methods. You know with BC that you're going to be pushed to the brink on most days and with GC the process is more conservative. I think they both do a great job and it's a good combination to have the two working together.

Yesterday was a prime Good Cop vs. Bad Cop encounter. GC walked me in and got me going with the usual Exercise Bike for 10 minutes and I followed with the normal stretches. Then, I asked him what was next. I was scheduled with BC and he checked with him. No surprise that I then was given the sentence of 10 minutes with the leg hang. I laid on my belly on the table with a (heavy) heating pad on the leg and a weight on the ankle. Everything from just above the knee down was hanging off the table. GC told me there would be no Quad Stim to accompany this therapy. I was so thanking the heavens that it was a GC day!

Two minutes later, BC came by to let me know that I was not getting off that easy. He attached the Quad Stim, and proceeded to ramp up the voltage to the usual excruciating muscle cramp. 10 seconds on - 30 seconds off. Not only did I get added discomfort, I got to start my time over!

When the buzzer went off "Time's Up!", GC started to walk over to release me from the weights and wires and all that good stuff. I'm usually unable to do much more than a very feeble army crawl at this point anyway. Unfortunately, though, BC spoke from across the room, "Hold up!" I got to wait an extra minute till he finished with the other patient and slowly came over. My 10-minute easy leg hang had turned into another torturous session with extra minutes added on!

I will thank them both when this is all over because they've been great in helping me, but I won't soon forget who's good cop and who's bad cop.

Surgery + 7 Weeks & 2 Days: Are you sure it was your hamstring?

When Jeff and I visited his parents this weekend, I got a question that has been in the back of my mind, too. Jeff's dad, a physician himself, wondered why my major incision was below my leg if the graft was from my hamstring. I really didn't do a lot of reading about what goes on during the surgery because I'm squeamish. But, my curiousity is now peaked and since I'm post-surgery I'm more comfortable figuring out what's happened.

Anyway, the hamstring connects to the tibia and that is the portion that gets removed. I found a website that is great about explaining the surgery and the picture below helps to explain the positioning of the scar.

Surgery + 7 Weeks and a Day: Peaks and Valleys

Things have been good for the most part this week.

Somehow my PT seems to last more than 2.5 hours but not be nearly as painful and actually almost feels like a workout. Things I'm doing...bike, walking backwards on treadmill, some stair-like motions, balancing on one leg with actions, weights (3 or 4 machines per session - I'm @ 145 lbs for leg press w/ both and 70 with one and given my history of wimpiness this feels like a lot), the normal stretches, calf raises including on one leg, and practicing walking. I haven't returned to the "torture chair" in a week but do have two things I really dislike...therapist pulling and pushing the leg straight (kind of massage with a medieval torture theme) and prone hang off a table with the added benefit of quad stimulator at the same time. Today the full 10 minutes was unbearable and I give myself kudos for not screaming.

Through all this though, I realize that the PT and value of the trainers is worth every blessed insurance penny they get paid. They do great work and push me much harder than I would be able to push myself. This brings me to a big concern. I haven't gotten an answer back yet as to whether my insurance benefits have been extended for physical therapy. Given the fact that I'm not jogging yet, I'm really concerned with my progress if I'm left to my own devices.

The other bummer is that outdoor soccer season is starting. Well, I should probably revise the term "bummer". I'm really happy my friends that do get to play, but I am going to be a green-eyed monster. I've spent countless hours this winter working on the board of directors of my local adult soccer association to get our organization ready to have spring, summer, and fall leagues. It's ironic that during my first term on the board I'm not likely to play in a single game. I plan to practice some sports photography as my back-up hobby while I'm out, but will miss the exhileration of kicking the ball just right where it feels perfect coming off my foot and the general camaraderie of playing with different people which always keeps it interesting.

Alas, I guess it could be worse. Spring seems to have arrived (finally) and after a long Michigan winter this is a time where it's very hard not to feel a sense of wonder and happiness.

Surgery + 6 Weeks & 3 Days: Much Better Than Yesterday!

Sometimes it's good to feel really low because just about anything is sunshine from a relative perspective. Today felt good in spite of the fact that between PT and doctor's visit I was there over three hours!

• At PT, they ran out of time to perform the "torture chair". I know I will have to tangle with it again soon but a one-day reprieve is very welcome!
• 116 degrees Range of Motion (an improvement)
• I was able to make it through 45 reps of one-leg super press at 60 pounds with the bad leg - progress!
• I saw the Doctor and his PA and they both said I'm on track for 6-weeks out. X-rays look good, I still have difficulty with strength in my quad and there's some swelling but overall better progress report than I'd expected.
• I'm free to ditch the brace - a fashion coup! The only thing I'm concerned about is when I had the brace people knew I had an injury or something. Now people are just going to think I've a serious ambulation problem. It's funny how going through the awkwardness and ugliness of this injury makes me care very little about this. I just give people a knowing smile when they stare like "I know...it's not pretty...I'm aware I look funny and it's okay."

Today there was a girl in therapy who was 2 months post-surgery and still on crutches. Her leg is perfectly straight. It reminded me that every person's experiences are different and we each have our crosses to bear as we try to get back to normal.

6 Weeks + 2 Days: I'm Getting Sick of This!

I have not progressed as well as I would like to. I have said goodbye to my crutches but still am encumbered by the 3 pound brace...this is not on the spring fashion must-have list.

More importantly, I'm still lacking the critical ability to use my quad to straighten my knee. This leaves my PT sessions seeming less like a workout and more like torture with 10 minutes spent in the "torture chair" (this moniker was given by the therapists, not by me) and another 10 minutes spent with the knee hanging off a table while I'm on my stomach weighted by an ankle weight and giant hot pad. And an additional 10 minutes with the trainer straightening my leg for me. This is exhausting after the other 90 minutes of knee-focused work.

My apologies to those that have been brought down by my tears during their PT sessions as it's hard to hide the pain after a while. I'm recording this now so that one day I can look back and realize how far I've come as I'm sure there will be light at the end of the tunnel soon...there's got to be!

2 weeks until the Bahamas...hopefully I'll be seaworthy by then!

My ACL Hero

Just when I needed some extra rehab inspiration, Brandon Rush and my team KANSAS are playing for the National Championship tonight. Last year, Brandon declared for the NBA after a stellar sophomore season. While training prior to the draft in late May (or hire of an agent) he tore his ACL. He was back playing in November and has been playing without a brace since February.

There is a great article chronicling his recovery (and tears shed along the way). I'm glad I'm not the only one! Extra bonus points for the picture to the right towering over "Psycho T" :-)

ROCK CHALK JAYHAWKS!!!

Surgery + 27 Days: License to Drive

Things are going well. The most exciting news is that I got the okay to start driving and have made a "full-time" return to work. So far so good on that front with today, Monday, as my first day back. I'm still on crutches, though, and hope to be off of them this week or next.

PT has also evolved, as well. I no longer have 20 minutes of quad stem which is hooking up the quad to electrodes. This makes it amazing that the sessions are still running 2 hours or more. Today, I had:

• 10 minutes of sitting stairmaster,
• stretches of calf and hamstring,
• range of motion heel slides,
• 10 minutes leg stretch with leg hanging off the table at the knee while I'm on my stomach and a weight at my ankle as well as weighted heating pad,
• 2 exercises to practice standing/balancing on the surgery leg,
• practice walking up and down stairs (about 4 inches for stepping up and about 2 inches for stepping down),
• walking & balance practice with half medicine ball,
• 2 different weight machines - super leg press and another (the weights for the super leg press are at 100 for both legs, 40 for single leg up down and 75 lb for both legs up single leg down
• 20 minutes of ice with shock electrodes on the knee to reduce swelling

All that before 9 a.m. - actually today it went pretty long - from 7 a.m. to 9:15 a.m. You know you've been at therapy for a while when you recognize faces and know backgrounds for other patients. I feel like a veteran when a new person comes in and starts out the first day. I can tell them "I've been there and know it will get better."

Surgery + 20 Days: A Long Weekend

My St. Patty's Day Weekend was pretty low key. I spent a lot of time getting work done around the house and also for my 2nd day back at the office tomorrow. Also, I devoted time to "fixing this knee". I feel like I've hit a pretty low point because I don't see a lot of progress in getting my knee straighter. I'm going to try to take a picture comparing my right and left leg sometime this week. I've got to make more progress quickly! The other bummer is that I am so stiff every time I start moving around. I'm hoping that once I'm able to start moving around, driving, getting out, that the pain will be less. On to another week...almost three weeks post surgery!

Surgery + 17 Days: Back to the Grind

It's funny how the warmth and sun of Florida makes everything feel better! I was so glad I made the trip. However, I returned to therapy Thursday after five days off and could definitely tell I'd taken a break.

The main focus (nothing new) is straightening and range of motion. I continue to have difficulty getting my leg to the right degree of straight, maybe five degrees away. The things I'm doing now to get it fixed, electrode machine and laying on my stomach with my legs hanging off the table and a weight attached to my ankle are painful. However, I hear that there is a "torture chair" that will have to be used if I don't make my knee comply. This is incentive enough beyond the simple need to do what the doctors say must be done. The rest of things are progressing well. My quad has made progress. I can now lift 55 to 60 pounds on the leg weight machine on my bad leg. This is a good thing.

I'm left home alone this weekend to work on my leg and get caught up with work and keeping the household under control. I'm sure I'll be ready for Jeff to get back upon his return from St. Patty's in Chicago. In the meantime, hopefully I can make some knee progress.

Surgery + 2 Weeks: Here Comes the Sun!

While I haven't really gotten to enjoy the full beauty of Florida sunshine after four months of Michigan winter, just seeing light out my hotel room window is great. So far so good on my trip to the conference. I had one slip - or maybe I'll call it a slide - which hurt my knee. I didn't actually fall down. I don't think there was permanent damage. A highlight, though, was a trip on a roller coaster at Universal Studios - so good to be moving fast after two months of snail pace. Otherwise, I've been moving around pretty well, attending good sessions, and able to get in my PT exercises at the beginning and end of the day. I'm planning to take a mini-break this afternoon to see what this warm weather is all about. So far, it's been non-stop since I arrived Sunday and went straight into a session. I'll be ready to get back home and back in the rehab routine, but I'm so glad I made the trip!

Surgery + 9 to 11 Days: Back to Work

I've accomplished a lot in the last few days. I had a full day of work Thursday thanks to Jen who graciously chauffered. I got my stitches out as well. The knee looks much better than last week. There is one hole that I'm working on closing up, but otherwise very good.

Tomorrow I venture to Orlando for a work conference. It's the most work I'll be able to do for a couple weeks because I'm still not released to drive for two weeks. I've been practicing getting out and about with a trip out to dinner and to the mall today and attendance at the U of M gymnastics meet yesterday. Everything went well and I think I'll be ready for the conference with the hotel room to rest in just upstairs if I'm in too much pain.

My doctor's appointment went pretty well. He said the swelling is doing well and the 90 degree range of motion is a good start. He's not as happy with the quad development so I got an electrode machine to help stimulate the quad - 20 minutes a day three to four times a day - lots of work!

Surgery + 8 Days: Wisdom Inside Dark Chocolate

I found today's inspiration inside the Dove Dark Chocolate my friend Gerri gave me. Here's the wrapper:


What a great reason to eat chocolate!! Anyway, I would say today was a very good day.

Therapy was quite challenging and we made it on time in spite of six more inches of snow we were blessed with overnight. I swear that it has snowed 90% of the days I've had 7 a.m. therapy and with salt supplies running out in Michigan the roads have not cooperated. Today wasn't too bad, though.

I did the electrode stimulation for my quad for 15 minutes, "NuStep" modified sitting stairmaster for 10 minutes, range of motion exercises, calf stretch, standing work with exercise tubing, ankle pumps, and the newly introduced modified squat - a whopping 55 pounds with both legs and 30 with the knee alone - but not bad for 8 days post surgery. My therapist says I'm on track but he would like my leg to be straighter - this is painful! If you look at your leg, straight is actually a bit inverted and I'm not there yet. I do have 90 degrees range of motion - something I thought would be impossible last week.

I had a really good day of work today, too. Chloe was decidedly hands off. She must have tired herself out yesterday. I'm making my first non-therapy venture out of the house tonight for a board meeting for the soccer association. Tomorrow it's my big debut at work. Probably good so I don't get too used to working at home. It will be so exciting to wear something that isn't pajamas or sweat pants!!!

Surgery + 7 Days - The Stand of the Wounded Knee

That title is at the suggestion of new mom Laura - probably my only loyal blog reader :-)

I don't know how much it has to do with the post. My knee did take a stand overnight and thwarted my first attempt to return to work. I was tossing and turning until about 3 am when I gave in to take a ramped up pain pill hence throwing off my plans to hitch a ride to work today and actually be at the office. I'm hopeful that my next attempt - Thursday - will be more successful.

The other bummer news is that Jeff pulled a muscle playing basketball yesterday. We make for a sorry couple right now but he's handling it all with a stiff upper lip. No soccer for him tonight, though!

I did manage to get quite a bit done from home today which was reassuring. I had a constant office helper - Chloe the cat. She loves the heat of the laptop and likes to lie as close as possible to it. She loves the tapping of typing and wants to type herself, so she walks over the keyboard. When I listened to a conference call on the cell phone, she tried to eat the phone as the source of the sound. Wow! She would not be the best permanent office mate.

Therapy is at 7 am tomorrow - YAWN!

Surgery + 5 & 6 Days

I've finally got cabin fever which means it must be time to take the next step and start getting out of the house! Sunday was a long day. I've still been staying on the couch as much as possible trying to focus on staying elevated. I did PT exercises twice on Sunday (I had done them three times on Saturday). I think I'm at about 45 degrees on ROM although when I sit up and let gravity do the trick, I can go much closer to 90 degrees.

Today (Monday morning) was welcomed with a 90 minute PT session. They say I need to focus on straightening the leg as much as possible "so they don't have to torture me in a month or so". Amen to no torture! Jeff thought I had somehow deserted him in the waiting room. There was 20 minutes of electrodes stimulating my quad muscle, calf stretch, two range of motion exercises, 8 minutes on a sitting stairmaster, leg lifts, modified squat, and 20 minutes of ice with electrodes to reduce knee swelling.

The one thing still holding me back is pain management. I've pretty much given up the prescription painkiller except at night where it's not strong enough to keep from waking me up in pain. This is complicated from muscle cramps I'm getting during the night - probably from the PT. I'm going to keep struggling with that.

The one thing I've missed today - first day home alone is company. This was especially apparent as I knocked over a full glass of water about 5 minutes after Jeff left for work for the day. It was so nice of Mom to come and visit for five days and do way more helping out than she should have - I owe you big time, Mom! Other friends, Sue, Joanne, Skeeter, Jason, Connor, all have helped to brighten my days with visits. I also had two bundles of energy visit last night - Jen's twins Jadyn and Jordan - they were fun and brought yummy chocolate chip cookies. The two giant care packages from my work and our soccer team/Jeff's work have been so amazing and all the warm thoughts, cards, e-mails, etc have been so great. And, of course, the biggest helpers have been the residents of the house - Jeff who has been chauffeur, nurse, and jack of all trades and Bethany who took off work Wednesday to help me out and is always so handy. THANKS SO MUCH!

No Pain No Gain

One of the unfortunate side effects of PT is the pain that comes with it. I know I'm making progress just in 24 hours of exercises. It's already easier to do PT today than yesterday. Heel slides are currently my nemesis. I had about 125 degrees Range of Motion (ROM) pre-surgery. I would be surprised if I was at 40 degrees today. I need to get to 90 degrees ASAP!

Anyway, the PAIN part! All of the focus on strengthening the quad/upper leg is that those muscles feel used!!! Unfortunately, during the night the accompaniment to tired muscles appeared - cramps! Not only do leg cramps hurt a lot, but when you also are scared of an out of control tightening leg making your knee hurt more, there is pain and nerves attached. I probably got up in pain five or six times, but made it through. I'm anticipating a few more of these nights as I make progress, but am still so glad to have aggressive physical therapy to get me back on the road more quickly.

Other big news - I got a hsower - yippee! I would definitely recommend that if you have knee surgery, you buy some sort of chair for your shower before surgery. We hadn't done that so made a quick trip to the store first thing this morning - it was definitely necessary. I feel so much better now that I know I can refresh and renew with a shower every day. I know some doctors make you wait to shower until after your stitches are removed - I'm so glad I'm not in that boat!

Post-Op Appointment #1

Today was my first post-operative appointment as well as PT. As with over half of my pre-surgery appointments, the weather was snowy and icy and it was rough getting to the appointment. I didn't want to deal with changing so I still wore shorts and a t-shirt as this is what I had to wear to the appt and it was a short crutch to get inside.

When we arrived, my regular physical therapist was there to greet us (me, Jeff, and my mom). He got me up on an exercise table in the "examination room" of the PT area. He immediately started undressing the knee - I was nervous to see what was underneath.

First came the ace bandage. This was followed by the bladder for the ice-cold cooler water - no wonder I couldn't feel it - there was a ton of cotton gauze between it and my leg. Then came the cotton gauze, followed by (bloody) sterile gauze, and finally, steri strips on the actual wound. It looks like there are three holes and about a two inch incision for the ACL to go in.

There were three patients lined up on the exercise tables for my doctor and his PA to visit. Each was about 5 minutes long and I was last. While I waited, it was back to quad sets - my favorite - but I did get a compliment that the muscle seemed good.

When the doctor got to me, he took out pictures from the surgery - blech! I peeked a little and may look more - they're now in my possession. But all in all, it was a bit of a blur. He thought that my meniscus damage was old - to me, that means way old like over five years, because I don't remember having a hurt knee for a long time!

He gave me my goals: 1) Rest & Elevate, 2) develop the quad and be able to lift the leg 3) get 90 degree range of motion (yikes!). His PA said to call with any problems and I'd see them next week to get the staples out. Then, it was back to therapy.

I did a calf stretch (easy), range of motion exercises (hard), quad hooked up to the electronic stimulator (hard), leg lifts (hard), and practiced walking with crutches (not bad). I'm supposed to be doing these and more three times a day and going in two to three times a week. I have three appointments next week. Unfortunately, I need to get stronger to be able to drive, so that's something to focus on.

The appointment and PT lasted about an hour and a half. I got the go-ahead for a shower - yea! Things are looking up even though there's been a lot more pain with the movement.

24-48 Hours

The day after surgery was a little rough. In the afternoon, I got uncomfortable and didn't feel relaxed again for four or five hours. I think my leg started to feel uncomfortable in its elevated state. It wasn't really my knee that was complaining but more the quad and calf.

Eventually, the painkillers took over and I was able to calm down. I have been taking the painkiller every four hours and so far, when I've tried to reduce or taper the amount of time my body has protested. At the doctor today, they said to keep taking them regularly for at least another day.

I got a lot of sleep on Thursday (two days after surgery). I got two good three hour naps in as well as full nights of sleep before and after.

PT exercises are a necessary evil and I did them twice on Thursday. The ankle pumps and calf stretches were easy but the quad stretch seemed endless but I made it through 45 repititions with 10 seconds tightened quad.

Recovery - The First 24 Hours

When I made it home I was tired - the pain pills I'd been given made the ride home mercifully fuzzy. We had a wheelchair to get me in the house which was good. I went straight to bed and was out for about three hours.

We had the living room made into a "recovery room" with a pullout couch and lots of pillows. I would definitely suggest trying to get a sick room set up on the first floor of your house if you can.

I couldn't feel my leg for the first night due to the spinal block so didn't have a lot of trouble with discomfort. The painkiller did its job which was great. I have an ice cooler that brings cold water into my bandaged area. I had hoped I could actually feel the cold, but I just feel a little bit of cool every once in a while. I still think it's doing its job, though.

If you're a girl and having this surgery, stock up on nightgowns before you go in. I only had one but it's already been through the wash once and it's back on - definitely the most comfy way to go.

I didn't have any of the nausea problems other people have talked about in their diaries. Just a bit woozy once. I had to make myself focus on drinking water to stay hydrated which was difficult but necessary. My appetite was back that first night and I was able to have dinner. I'm glad I had to use crutches when I first got injured. I wouldn't want to be learning in such a weakened condition.

The morning after the surgery, I was still feeling good. Jeff was back to work, but a friend stayed home with me and my mom flew in Wednesday afternoon. I'm sure I could have handled the day by myself, but it was so helpful to have people around and I would definitely recommend getting helpers if possible.

I did my first PT exercises Wednesday morning - ankle pumps, calve stretches, and quad sets. It hurt a bit, but thinking about doing it was harder than it actually felt.

So far, so good.

Surgery At Last

The day for surgery finally arrived. I would say I was more nervous on Monday, the day before, than on Tuesday when I went "under the knife". We pulled out the couch in the recovery room (aka my living room) before we left to go to the Ambulatory Surgery Center. We arrived early (a rare occurence for me) and when we went into the brand new facility I could tell that at least Jeff would be comfortable. The waiting room was posh as far as I was concerned with a couple computer terminals, tables, and a lot of space.

I was immediately taken into the surgery prep area, given a bag for all of my stuff along with a gown and socks to change into. The nurse got my IV in and double-checked that I was me and went through some pre-surgery questions. I briefly saw my doctor and his resident as he walked out of his previous surgery. He initialed my right leg and that was the last I saw him for the day. The resident went over the gameplan and then I met the anesthesiologist and her resident. She asked if I wanted general anesthesia or a spinal - definitely general! She also told me that when I woke up I would have the option of a spinal block if the pain was severe when I awoke. This puts anesthetic in your femoral artery to basically numb your leg. She said about 20% of patients have severe pain and can use the block but they don't like to do it until after the surgery because it only lasts for 8 to 12 hours.

The resident gave Jeff a prescription for post-surgery painkillers and he gave me a sedative to keep me calm. Then it was time to say goodbye to Jeff and head into the surgery. I was pretty relaxed (with the prescription). I remember being wheeled in, confirming my name and why I was there and that's all, they put me under.

I awoke in the surgery room (I think) and I was in A LOT of pain. It's all pretty fuzzy but I know my leg hurt much worse than I expected. I was rolled into the recovery room. The nurse immediately increased the pain medicine in my IV. I was shaking, moaning, and having trouble communicating. The pain medicine was helping a little and I'm not sure how long this was going on, but they made the decision that the spinal block made sense and I was all for that!

The anesthesiologist and her resident used an ultrasound to find my artery and the nerves around the patella. They were great about getting the injection in around my groin and it only took a few minutes before I was much more comfortable!

Mercifully, they waited till I had calmed down to bring Jeff back. He had been updated by my doctor right after surgery - he said that the MCL was healing well and did not need any fixes in the surgery. They replaced the ACL and cleaned up the meniscus as expected. They are still concerned with some damage on the outside of my knee - something about bone spurs. I'll find out more about that when I get to speak with him on Friday.

Jeff waited with me in the recovery room for 20 or 30 minutes and then I was released to go. Jeff warmed up the car and I got wheeled out. Everything went smoothly and we were on to the next stage - recovery!!

Pre-Surgery Checklist

I have a list of instructions to follow before surgery:

• Take crutches with me to the surgery
• Wear losse comfortable clothing to the surgery
• Use an antibacterial scrub the evening before and the day of the surgery around the leg - this was provided by the doctor
• No food after midnight on the day prior
• No aspirin, Vitamin E, or herbal medications 10 days prior to the surgery
• No NSAIDS including Aspirin and Ibuprofin for a week prior
• Bring someone with me to the surgery
• No contact lenses - bring glasses
• No jewelry
• No nail polish or makeup

How it Happened & The First Week

Two months seems like forever ago. But here's how it happened. It was the day after Christmas and we were skiing for the holiday in Michigan's Upper Peninsula. I am neither experienced nor enthusiastic about skiing, but things were going well enough. I decided to take a lesson the last day so the next time we skied hopefully I wouldn't be such a novice.

The lesson went well and I didn't fall once...until I caught my right ski in the powder and snow while the left knee kept going. I've played soccer for 27 years without serious knee injury, but the most dreaded thing that I imagined happening for all these years is an ACL injury. When I felt the pain as I crashed into the mountain, that's what I immediately yelled "My ACL!" amongst numerous expletives. The pain was immense!!

I was carted off the mountain on a snowmobile and met up with my husband who ported me off to the ER. The diagnosis was that I probably tore my MCL based upon the the various knee examinations the physician performed. I was sent back to our rented condo with a bottle of Percocet and knee immobilizer. We had a 14 hour drive home the next day followed by a visit to my primary care physician the day after.

My regular doctor also thought the MCL was the probable extent of the injury. Because this damage needs a stable knee and time to heal, I was ordered to keep the immobilizer on the knee (see the photo above from the day of the accident for all its glory) and stay on crutches. An MRI was scheduled for a week from that appointment and I was referred to an orthopedic surgeon. The catch, though, was that I was not allowed to schedule an appointment until after the MRI was completed.

I figured out I could drive my husband's automoatic transmission car after a few days and he took mine with its manual transmission. I was able to return to work when my vacation ended and didn't need the narcotic painkillers after a few days. This was replaced by over the counter Ibuprofin and Tylenol. I was definitely sore and awkward and looking forward to the MRI!

About this Blog

Two months ago, I tore the MCL (Medial Collateral Ligament), ACL (Anterior Cruciate Ligament) and Meniscus in my right knee. I was taking a ski lesson while on vacation with my family in Michigan's Upper Peninsula over Christmas. I am an admittedly unskilled skiier, and won't be returning to the slopes. However, I want to aggressively treat my injuries so I can get back to the sport that I love - soccer - and also enjoy the active life that I've had leading up to the injury.

I have found people's blogs and diaries and the experiences of my friends who have had knee surgeries to be so valuable as I prepare for my surgery. There are so many questions that I have and everyone's experience is different. The more I've been able to learn, the more I've felt prepared.

The reason I want to record my experience relates to a desire to contribute something of my own that might be useful to others who go through this in the future. This in no way replaces medical advice or the knowledge of physicians, physical therapists, or any medical professional. Primarily, my focus is on providing my experiences that may help others know what they may encounter.

It's a week until I have surgery to repair the ACL and Meniscus. The MCL heals itself and usually does not require surgery.